Continued because I yap...





Starting again nearly at the beginning by writing out character sheets, setting descriptions, lore, and plot, and how I am kind of scared of the amount of work I am starting again. But he reassured me and said that if I take it one step at a time, and don't assign some sort of unattainable timeline to it, that he thinks it'll go a lot better. And I agree.



One other thing he said that stuck with me after the session was about my expectations for myself. He had prompted the question of something along the lines of this... Why am I expecting so much from myself and putting so much pressure on myself, and telling myself I have to be a certain way in many aspects, when I hate when others do it to me? I dunno, it just kind of stuck with me, because he's really right.



I am going to be trying to work on my comic more in the coming days and weeks, without much of an expectation for myself. I think I'll probably end up setting little expectations in my head on accident, but I'm going to try and break them.

I haven't written a blog in forever...I want to write about things so I don't forget them. Hopefully I can keep up with this. Today I wanted to write about my therapy appointment that I had the other day.



My life has been so busy. I have two jobs now, and I haven't had time to spend on my comic, or on my website. I really miss it. I talked to my therapist at my last session about how desperately I long to work on things I am passionate about and want to work on for my own happiness, but that I have no drive to do it. We talked about how me being Bipolar effects how my drive fluctuates and we drew a line graph with three lines representing three different stats of my life: one for my depressive stability, one for my drive levels, and one for my stress levels. The graph was divided into three sections, the top of it being Manic, the bottom being Depressed, and the middle being my Grey Area. The depressive stability line started low on the graph, and gradually went up and stayed in a wavy line around the middle, as I've been feeling on and off with my depressive episodes. The stress level line was about 3/4 of the way to the top, and was also a wavy line. But my drive line was almost like a giant line of parabolas: going from the tippy top of the graph all the way to the very bottom and then back to the top again. I explained to my therapist that my drive is like an endless cycle that starts off with a ton of motivation for something and me jumping right into it, and then me working on it for a while, and then me hitting some sort of blockage or error in my process that causes me to stop completely for weeks/months, then a long and slow buildup of motivation, and then it repeats.



After some talking about this cycle and my graph, I realized that a lot of the errors or blockages I ran into were because of insecure thoughts that stemmed from either "I should be able to do BLANK" or "Why can't I do BLANK when I know I probably could" thought processes. I have always compared myself to others, even if there's nothing to compare to. I also realized a lot of the blockages were because of how quickly I jump into things, and then when I find one thing wrong, I think it's unfixable and that I have to stop or restart. Instead of trying to figure it out and move forward, I usually just give up. Which is what's been happening with my comic, as I've been on a weird hiatus from it for over 2 months now. My therapist and I then discussed trying to take things slower, specifically with my comic. I told him how I am st

I am yapping too much. TLDR: I am chronically online on Instagram, and on my smartphone. Time to fix it soon.

I told myself I'd make entries here but didn't do it because I got so sidetracked with my crazy busy and stressful life, but now I am forcing myself to stop being sidetracked...So here goes. Hello hello! I think I'll be writing about my daily stuff here. I would make it some sort of blog, but a diary feels more needed for myself right now.



Lately, I've been really wanting to start practicing a lot more digital minimalism. I have been thinking about this for a while, it's always kind of on my mind as of recently. I feel as if I spend way too much time on my phone, scrolling and scrolling and wasting my time, or making myself sad or upset with the things I see and read, or just getting sad and upset due to thinking about the fact that I spend so much of my time wasting my day on my phone and on stupid apps. I very much want to make the swap to using just a dumbphone, my computer desktop/laptop, my iPod and my Kindle, and ditch my smartphone. But it's such a hard swap to do all at once, at least it feels that way. Taking a step in the right direction would be deleting most of my social media, but that's a big step, because I fear that I am addicted to them; looking at what others in my life are doing, or doomscrolling, or just reposting stupid things I think are funny.



It's so hard for me to decide on this. I want to stay "relevant" with others in my life, and with things I find funny or amusing or cool, and talk to my friends who only have Instagram and other socials. It's also going to be hard when trying to stay updated with my job schedule, or keep in contact with people who use their smartphones frequently like I do currently. But I also want to be off of all of that, and detox myself from all of the stupid slop I consume. The internet that I want to be using is all NOT on social media. I am a huge lover of everything small web, like the community on Neocities, and cool small websites with communities like this one. Swapping to just using browser-based socials and sites like that would be so ideal. I don't think I could give up Reddit or Discord, just because I do not hate using them (especially Discord, since most of my friends and I talk there). It'll also be hard to ditch Spotify. But I do very much want to give up the rest.



Maybe this will happen soon, maybe I'll put it into motion after researching more about getting a dumbphone set up with some sort of data so I can still call and text. I really miss when I lived more digitally minimalistic-ally when I was younger. During the quarantine

Testing, testing!!!! This is so cool!!!!! So very excited to see how this awesome site develops ^_^