the only thing keeping me going is childe from genshin impact which is already embarrassing on its own (not to me i love him so much but to everyone else it is). but to make it worse i lowkey selfship with him. as an adult. LMAO im so embarrassing and corny it usually doesnt bother me but i just keep thinking about how the people that have to interact with me probably get so cringed out. and it makes me feel bad about myself. i tell myself that if he's the thing keeping me alive then i should fully embrace my love for him but i dont know.. i hate being perceived by other people. it's not like i think he'd actually love me. i just do it for fun and for comfort. he's really been the only thing keeping me going for about three years now i love him so much words can't describe it.. i'm so pathetic

1. Mickey Mouse isn't inferior.

2. Mickey Mouse is, in fact, a pumped-up... Mickey Mouse?

3. People seek out Mickey Mouse without her trying.

4. Relationship issue confirmed: visibility, not intelligence.

5. Ricecake hypothesis confirmed.

Further research will continue at a later date. For now, the investigation committee suggests opening the textbook.

<3

a few months ago, i was friends with a senior in my college. he hasn't been on campus for a few months now because he was working in the city my home is right now. so i've come home for the holidays and he came to meet me yesterday. i've always had a little bit of doubt if i was getting hit on by him, but it turns out that the reason he always wants to meet me so much despite not being very close is that i'm a stressbuster. he said yesterday that i'm like a mental rapport- a complete break from all the stress of life because i'm like a real-life pumped up Mickey Mouse by your side who won't stop yapping. i knew people think i'm childish but now it also makes sense why people i barely know enjoy spending time with me. once someone has a conversation with me they usually want to come back and have another (unless it's in a professional setting ofc, there i'm no good). i think i like this about myself. i have seen many people become relaxed around me. i've been told i talk without filter and yet i never come across as rude. all this just makes the sky look even brighter to me.

one of my most favorite rituals in life is to get/give myself a haircut. cutting off my hair feels like cutting off burden. somehow gives me a shit ton of confidence. when i was fifteen, and out of a prison cell (wasn't actually a prison cell, it was just a strict residential school), the first thing i did is get my hair chopped off. to everyone else it seemed like a stupid girl chopping off her long, thick hair but to me it was freedom. everyone has their own ritual of starting something new. buying new clothes, cleaning up their workspace or praying, whatever. for me it's chopping off my hair. i love a good, short, layered bob. my mom is totally against it, but i'll try to get one in the next month before college starts.

i have been away from sns, which is good but also bad i suppose



sns can make me feel strange i think, i much prefer to post here where it’s quieter



sometimes it’s natural for me to hide away from most people and be a ghost



in this case i am a digital ghost



boo



gomen

ohaiyo~ !!

bright, bright, sky with the golden, golden sun

but it's so hot out that nothing is fun

imma get out of bed and i go for a run

within a minute, or two, or three, i am done

i munch on my sandwich

and i haven't bathed, so i look like a witch

and then i roll over and i go back to sleep

just to go back to my dreams where i don't sow what i reap

and discovering more of myself by the day. i'm happy, not because i'm perfect with it, but because i am learning a lot more and also learning what *my* zone really is. i'm never going to stop working hard, never going to stop loving what i love and never going to stop trashing what i don't care about. never going to stop believing, trying and sailing along with the wind. i will never, ever try to put a rein on my life- i'll just work hard and let the wind do the rest.

i can finally focus again. i haven't gotten work done today, but i am able to focus and be calmer. like i used to be. i had dangerous levels of focus- and i say dangerous because it was the kind of obsessive focus which made me stick to my book even if there's an earthquake. but the point is, i've been struggling with everything from food to sleep to study in the past few months just because i lacked a bit of clarity. i never was a shaky, indecisive kid and i don't plan to be one. i would head-on take things up even if i was no good at it because how will you do it unless you try?

i'm much better now and i'm not struggling to sort out my thoughts. i've cracked the answer. i'm not trying to shift blame, i'm just now very clear about why everything that was happening was happening, and i'm also a little ashamed that all my emotional intelligence went down the drain precisely for the one year i really needed it. but i am back now and i've learnt a lot because of this one year that didn't let me be myself.

life is a puppet dance, but i ain't no puppet. which means i'm going against the very workings of my life, or i like to think so, and hence my interest to see how it goes. i take chances with everything in my life. i attach to some things- and i guard them with my life, but everything else is thrown to the wind, including my life itself. that's the way i keep things fun. like Suzume once said, "Whether we live or die is a matter of luck." i totally agree. you think of these things when you feel freed all at once and you find the answers to long-term pain and you understand why what is happening is happening. i'm grateful to my life though- i learnt a lot from this. i've understood a new facet of telling the real me apart from the fake me. the one who constantly doubts herself and lives in pain. that is so not me. narrow miss. well that was a painful ride, but now that i'm not under the truck any more, i'm going to throw myself to the wind again, and we'll see which way it goes.

i went ice skating today with emi & i think it helped me. people with adhd produce lower amounts of dopamine, so physical activity can help a lot. plus it’s very stimulating and you need to constantly be present. when i got home, i was able to cook and clean my whole room. (´∀｀) i want to go more often and get good at it nya

I just celebrated our 7th anniversary with my spouse. 7 years we've been together. 7 years we've been in love, appreciated each other. 6 years since we moved in together. I know these aren't substantial numbers yet, but I will keep loving him until we get to our diamond anniversary in 43 years, and more! I adore this person so much, and I would like to get through all the good and the bad with him forever. I love you <3