trying something

trying something



*trying something*

Just watched the new Jaiden Animations video and yeah, I am not excited for the future.



Listening to that, and the fact that my parents briefly talked about buying a Tesla again... ugh. Why does this happen every other Christmas season? (+ also getting close to the end of my nestling. Ough.)

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I hate AI slop. I hate how every other adult is trying to be all "Well come on, it's the future! Personally, I'm embracing it! Change is good yknow :) #thefuture" ohhh you people are so stupid,,,

People in my classes saying dumb shit like, "Yeah haha I didn't even finish the assignment, I just got "Chat" to do it for me :)" ohhh, you people are so fucking stupid!!! (see: Trump's "I love the poorly educated" yeah lmao we are never escaping)

I mean, I have seen some people of my age be anti-AI (see: the backlash against Duolingo's big firing on their insta reels) but idk. It's hard being a creative and someone with compassion and someone who hates capitalism and living with all this bullshit technology and just. a truly decaying world.

Trying to be more optimistic about my life, but it's hard. At least I have a break right now. I've downloaded a new calendar to plan things. I hate to admit this because it means my dad was right, maybe I do need a schedule. It could be good for me even? I don't like agreeing with my parents but also I also do have tickets for this weekend. Ah well.

There is so much to do... probably futile anyway since you cannot escape from your ultimate fate and the world you inherit will always be disappointing!! Yay!!

...sorry. Doomerism. Negativity. Blegh. I should be more positive. #justbemorepositive :)



[typed entirely on desktop]

"whatever happened to that smiling little girl?"

Yeah, here's the thing: I don't know.

I don't know either. I wish I could tell you. I wish she were back. I really do. I have been severely lacking, I know, I know. Being such a weak, unworthy successor in her stead. I miss her too. I mourn her. I feel her weight against me as I close my eyes every night. Do I even sleep the same? (I don't know if I am smothering her or she is smothering me.) My chest aches. I'm sorry. I am sorry. We had such high hopes, I know. We all did. I know.

I know.

I know.

I know.

I'm sorry. I'm tired. Which I'm sure you're tired of hearing. Disappointing.Tragic.A waste of time. I know. I know. I know. My chest aches.

Can we go back home now?



[typed entirely on desktop, 19/11/25]

I have so much to do. Too much on my plate. Maybe it’s because I can't keep anything down. Sick to my stomach. I do so hate oily food. It was hard to eat the sausages we had for dinner tonight. They were barely even oily though. But eurgh, still. Oil. :disgusted_face: (I am the antithesis of the United States of America.)

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I made a list of things to do for when I’m done with {AY’25} but I worry I won’t have enough time. In fact, I know I won’t have enough time. It gets taken from me. But that’s the only time I even bother to look. Lol. Lmao, even.

I’ve been blind for so long. I have nightmares of /getting worse/. That’s probably insensitive. I should really be more grateful. #abg

Finished that one Omori playthrough. I could not bring myself to watch the bit at the end, but I was inspired nonetheless. I should do that! Start an actual record of my experiences. (Ahem. Not this. We all know this is... curatorial :)

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Today I did proper research on the {Future} but once again, I feel as though that was just a complete waste of time. I tell myself I am going to achieve so much, but I’m just so... ill. Both {Now}, and sometimes, I worry, forever.

Hold on. Did I say "I worry" twice in this entry? I think yes. Well, well, well.

- - -

I don’t like living like this. I want to get better, I really do. I want to accomplish. I want to achieve. I want to make fantastic creations. I want to BE a fantastic creation. Be your own science experiment, and all that. (Thank you tumblr moot).

I want to become the person I dream of at night



[typed entirely on desktop, 16/11/25]

❄️ my laptop fan was incredibly loud, probably louder than it has ever been. I videod it and put it onto tumblr to "save" it in some way. lol



☀️ we also finally got the nets up on our trees today !! Exciting :D I look forward to peaches this summer... or was it plums?

Hm. Either way, got news I may see my maternal cousins in December. I swear, Christmas season can't get here soon enough.



Yesterday was spent researching My Language and planning to make a wiktionary account to revive it... I even downloaded an old grammar rules pdf onto my phone. It's so joever*.



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Okay!! It's my first entry on here. Not a lot to say but I wanted to see if I should add it to my site or not.

[typed entirely on mobile, 10/11/25]



*still don't know if that's how you spell "joever"? pfft does it really matter though