I'm feeling really lonely lately and I've never had many friends in the first place, I super struggle with that. But I did have one friend who goes between hanging out with me alllll the time, to never hanging out with me at all.



But the kicker is that even though I'm always inviting them, always asking if they're around, always offering... They always blame me. "You always leave me behind" but they're the one who leaves ME behind! I can always tell when their preferred friends are back to talking to them because that's when they stop hanging out with me and if we DO hang out, all they talk about is what their friends say.



I'm a backup friend! A backup friend for a backup friend! And they blame me all the time, make me feel terrible all the time, and then just ditch me when they're bored. Then their friends ditch them and that's when they come back and say "Everyone abandoned me! Including you!!" ಥ_ಥ If they find out that I hang out with anyone else, they get upset for not being included. But I invite them all the time. They just never want to when they have their cooler friends around.



I hate it. I hate how people think it's okay to just stop talking to friends for long stretches of time and then come back like it's nothing. It's one thing when you're busy or loose track of time. But to do this so often and treat another person like a convenient item... I hate it. I must always be there for them but god forbid they're there for me. I don't want to be clingy. I'm an adult, I know people are busy. But I don't like being treated like this. Can't I be a priority to anyone? Am I so lame that people can only see me as a last resort? I guess I'm not very fun... I don't like watching movies or playing co-op games all the time.





Even my roommate acts like this. He makes it very clear he only talks to me about stuff because he has no one else. He thinks I'm stupid and that I can't understand his epic writing or whatever. I'm always punished. I'm too stupid, too boring, too bland, blah blah. I have to change myself to keep people around and it's exhausting. It's not like I don't care. I do care. But it's hard. And when it's hard for them, I have to be understanding. But if I am not the perfect friend to them, they just leave.



Another friend, one I was super close with... she hardly talks to me anymore too. She found groups of better friends and she's ALWAYS talking about them. If I show her art, she says "I showed this to my friend, here's what he said!" I didn't ask for that! But she does it anywa