GUESS WHO'S NO LONGER A LOSER LIVING IN THEIR PARENTS ATTIC??????





MEEEEEEE <3 <3 <3

went over to my older sister's for halloween. had a lil party with my younger sister and her friends.



it's great to know looking 14 as a 24 year old still has its perks. I went out after 9 PM for late trick r treating and people just gave me handfills of whatever was left. yay!



went a mime btw ^_^

i came across a guy working at the grocery store me and my parents were shopping at and noticed that his glasses were pink and yellow. I told him I liked them and he said "uhhh yeah.....they're based on a video game character i really like"



right away, i replied with "....spamton?"



"oh, what could've made you guess that?"



and then i looked down at his chest. there was a spamton pin over his uniform.

got to go to a coffee house performance (...which wasn't actually at a coffee house at all. it was a church) tonight with my younger sister and dad. sis was a little cranky and pissed off at the start of the day, but her mood quickly shifted as soon as we got there (many such cases with her).



the performances were all really nice!!! i was worried that it was all gonna be country music, and there definitely was some, but it was more varied then I expected. even the country songs that were performed were actual good country music. my favorite performance was this lady with a guitar who performed a super good rendition of "bang bang (my baby shot me down)". loved her voice!"



.....oh yeah and also my mom just bought me a house.

spent a night and a half at my older sister's. my younger sister invited her friends over and we all got high and ate pizza. she seemed really overstimulated the entire time, but idk what she expected.



today, i got to go to another pride meeting, the first one in over two months. as usual, i didn't really talk to anyone much. i just sat by and listened to everyone talk, but there was a really cool slideshow of all the pictures that got taken of us at the pride walk. and the lady who runs it told me there's a lesbian couple living ten minutes away from me that could give me rides, so that's nice.



grandma drove us back this time and on the way home, we got pumpkin spice ice capps from tim hortons (cause y'know. canada) and i s2g, it's the yummiest shit ever. most delicious drink ever made by mankind omg.

i went to the local diner (we call it the moose) with my counselor today and MAAAANNNNN



THE HOT CHOCOLATE THEY GAVE ME WAS HUGE



it was like this great big round cup covered completely in whipped cream and chocolate sauce. i couldn't even eat it normally. i had to shovel that shit with a spoon. i've had hot chocolate there before, but it was way smaller than that. they must really like me or something ^_^



...oh yeah and i had a long talk with my counselor about my capabilities as an autistic person.



i'm glad she agrees that my mom isn't giving me a fair chance with stuff like this. whenever my mom points on the ways she thinks i'm "disabled" (being anxious, clumsy, and taking a while to think) and I get defensive in response, I feel like a pain in the ass, or that i'm denying all my flaws. i've been worrying for a while if i only want a job because my sense of self-worth is entirely dependent on serving capitalism, but my counselor made a really good point; if i tried working before and found out for sure that i couldn't, that would be one thing. but i've been living in near isolation for five years and haven't been given the experiences most people my age have had by now, so i should at least be allowed to try.



she did so much today to convince me that i'm a perfectly capable, respectable, and appealing person.



i really hope she's right.

had a long talk with my dad today about how i talk towards myself. he pretty much agrees with my sister that i'm basically indulging in emotional self-abuse. i've been trying to consider the part of me that talks so cruelly towards myself to be an abuser or a bully. idk if it'll help, but maybe i can actually get myself to do something about it, or be nicer to myself....



but other than that, STEAK!



me and my sisters went to the local farmer's market a few weeks ago, and I got myself this BIG ASS rib steak (along with some other treats). it costed $30 but ssshhh, don't tell my mom.



i finally got to cook it today. tasted so damn good. behold my feast.







and yes i did try to eat the whole thing. do i regret it?



not really

i wish i was someone worthy of loving

i spent a few hours in VR with a dear friend of mine from the UK today, which is what we do nearly every thursday. we hang out in popcorn palace and just watch whatever movies or cool shit we can find on youtube. today, we watched cat soup and cyber city oedo 808 (which i hadn't seen before).



y'know, the OVA where the white haired guy says "you wouldn't recognize a goddamn vampire if one jumped up and bit you on the end of your fucking dick". that one.



love cat soup to death, even if i've never read the original comics it's based off of. i probably should. cyber city was stupid as fuck, but in an endearing way. definitely loved the gothic horror vibes it added to cyberpunk. the last episode gave me strong magnetic rose from memories (1995) vibes.

had my second appointment with my new counselor and already, she's pushing me to get a part-time job in town. alas, excuses like "it's thirty minutes away" and "i can't drive" can't tame her optimistic spirit.



but whatever. i got to have a diner-made grilled cheese with bacon as she helped me fill out a resume, so i'm happy.



and it was completely overcast/rainy yet warm today, so i got to sit out on the porch with a tea and some shortbread cookies i got from the farmer's market. fuck da government. live how u want to

hi everyone